For future reference:
- When you are planning a 2 hour train journey with a one year old, pack plenty of toys and amusements, however many bags you already have to carry.
- When choosing a seat, do not select one next to somebody who is reading a newspaper.
- When the baby attempts to steal the newspaper, do not use a pot of vegetable crisps to distract her. They can make a real mess of newspaper-lady's trousers when shaken hard enough.
- When newspaper lady finally departs, do NOT pass the newspaper she leaves on her seat to the baby, even if she is really screaming for it.
- If you do make all the above mistakes, remember to apologise profusely to your fellow passengers as you all scrunch and crunch your way out of the train.